Pastoral Care

In times past, the BIC denomination produced a “Minister’s Manual” that was provided to all credentialed pastors. That practice was discontinued but The Pastoral Way website seeks to provide a modern version of that manual with many different kinds of resources. The intent is that these resources can be a shared pool and that others will contribute from their collection. As additional items are contributed by pastors, they will be added to this site.

Below are guidelines with included resources to help you with the planning of rites and ceremonies that go with pastoring people through the seasons of life. Hopefully, these resources will be time-savers for you during the busyness of church ministry, especially for those newer in their ministry calling. The links are to Google Drive folders. When you click on a link, a new browser tab will open revealing a nested set of files and folders related to the parent category you have selected.

Weddings

Weddings are big events in the life of a family and you, as their pastor, have an important part to play. It is important to know the key things that need to be cared for and the specific scope of your role. Also, in your role as a wedding officiant you are in service of the provincial government. It is important to be up-to-date on any memos from their office. Click on the link for a repository of the Marriage Registrar memos.

Philosophy

Determine why you want to do weddings and what you’re trying to accomplish.

When you are doing weddings, you are wearing two hats:

  • You act as a representative of the state and, therefore, you should be familiar with the marriage act.
  • You act as a representative of God and therefore, you should develop a Biblical theology of marriage.

Your role in officiating the wedding:

  • To help a couple begin a long and happy life together.
  • To direct a couple to build their home and a spiritual foundation.
  • To help them see that they are each other’s custodial care-givers. You are putting your life in someone else’s hands.
  • To join them in a legal relationship.
Nuts and Bolts
  • You will need to decide if you want to do weddings and, if you decide to officiate weddings, what your criteria will be in deciding whose weddings you will or will not officiate at. There are some serious pitfalls of saying “no” to people within the church.
  • You will need to decide what you are going to charge as a fee.
  • You will need to decide on what your strategy will be in guiding couples through their wedding.
    • How often you will meet with them and what you will do at each meeting.
    • A sample wedding ceremony.
    • A strategy for marriage preparation or premarital counselling.
  • The Rehearsal is an important time to make everyone comfortable and feel prepared.
  • Beware of the wedding planner who might want to take over the event.
  • You have to decide how much faith to insert.
  • Take charge without becoming bossy or mean.
Resources

Ceremonies

Certificates

Counselling

Forms

Instructions

Readings

Service Order

Funerals

Philosophy

You have the wonderful privilege of being able to come alongside people when they are in great spiritual and emotional need. You have a sacred trust when you enter into their grief with them to provide hope, spiritual perspective, and to help them in the grief process by celebrating a person’s life. Depending on the nature of the loss you are also providing front line grief counselling. You also may be opening doors for future ministry and relationship with your church.

Nuts and bolts
  • Get a simple plan for several types of funeral services, see the resources below.
  • Meet with the family and plan the service:
    • Decide on who would be pallbearers.
    • Arrange for a funeral bulletin if desired.
    • Spread the word about the funeral.
    • Pray with them.
    • Collect necessary information about the deceased.
  • Funeral Elements:
    • Invocation
    • Welcome
    • Music
    • Eulogy (formal summary of the person’s life)
    • Tributes
    • Prayer for the Family
    • Readings
    • Scripture
    • Congregational Songs
    • Homily
    • Lord’s Prayer 
    • Benediction
  • Dress properly for the occasion. If you don’t have the appropriate dress, then go shopping!
  • Get to know the undertaker and communicate your desires for the service. Work with them so things are clear about all aspects of the service are clearly understood.
  • Lead the service with calm conviction and speak about the deceased.
  • Do not preach a person into heaven or condemn them to hell. Leave it to the Lord unless you know for sure where you believe they went!
  • Your homily should include: key scriptures, meaningful stories, funny stories. Refer to the example of the person and recognize you speak to the living. End with a good closing story or quote.
  • Decide how you will conclude the service and exit the funeral home.
  • Committal/Graveside Service:
    • Read scriptures
    • Pray with the family
    • Speak just a few words
    • You can use sand or dirt and put it on the casket (ashes to ashes, dust to dust)
    • Stand at the foot of the grave during the service
    • Greet the family as the service concludes
    • Follow up with the family in the days that follow
  • Suicides bring a general feeling of regret for participants.
  • Child funerals bring a feeling of lost opportunity, what might have been.
  • You don’t have to answer the “why” question, you can speak of it and direct it to God.
Resources

Committal Services

Eulogy Planning

Forms

Instructions

Music

Prayers

Readings

Service Order

Service Templates

Hospital Visits

Philosophy
  • One of the most important roles you can offer to your people is to be a pastor to them in times of crisis. If the church is not good at this, what does this say about our claims of community!
  • The goal of a hospital visit is to bring comfort, hope and the peace of Christ to a person going through a physical infirmity or facing death. Fear and pain are predominant themes as well as questions of “why”.
Nuts and Bolts
  • Pray on the way about what to say. Have a simple script in your mind and trust the Lord. Spiritually, you are a first responder.
  • Have some simple materials to leave behind.
  • Do not stay too long.
  • Familiarize yourself with the hospital area and find good (free) places to park.
  • Take your clergy card as proof for access.
  • Ask around about visiting protocol for clergy. You have a lot of access as a Pastor in a hospital.
  • Always assume the hearing is the last to go. Therefore, don’t talk about death or funerals in the room in the case that the person in the bed can hear you.
  • A visit might be with a non-verbal person so there is an advantage in taking someone with you to hold the conversation.
  • Always pray. When you pray for them, hold their hand as human touch is meaningful.
  • Anoint the person if it feels appropriate (olive oil and the sign of the cross with simple explanation). If you have olive oil from the Holy Land, people like it.
  • Read scripture verses. Have some passages ready or use the ‘Prayers and Promises’ in the resources section below.
  • Assume other people in the room might be listening.
  • Take charge, gently but firmly. Remember the pastoral principle: “Fake it until you figure it out.”
  • Go back for a follow up visit when it is appropriate and needed. Family members can give you an idea of what is appropriate.
  • Assume you are going to be uncomfortable. Nurses or doctors might come in while you are visiting or praying.
  • Wash your hands on the way in and the way out.

Child Dedication

Starting Points

The ritual of child dedication is an established part of evangelical tradition that many people love and cherish – so much so that they are little concerned with the spiritual condition of the parents offering their child in dedication. To refuse child dedication can become a source of offense or conflict.

The term “dedication” is usually derived from the Old Testament story found in 1 Samuel 1:27–28, where a godly woman named Hannah prayed year after year for God to give her a child.

God answered her prayer and she gave birth to a son, whom she named Samuel. When Samuel was born, Hannah prayed these words:

“For this boy I prayed, and the Lord has given me my petition which I asked of Him. So I have also dedicated him to the Lord; as long as he lives he is dedicated to the Lord.”

It would seem that to take this passage in context, Hannah was doing something more than other Jewish people of the day were required to do. In a sense she had bartered with God for a child and now she was keeping her end of the bargain. The term dedication in this passage is a particular kind of offering not required by every parent. It is essentially a promise to have her child become a priest. With this in mind – this is not a precedent for our modern practice of child dedication.

Thoughts To Consider
  • If child dedication is only offered to parents who are followers of Christ – someone must make an assessment whether or not this person is a “follower” of Christ – and this someone is usually the Pastor. (Do you only offer this to church members, or to people who say they are Christians but show little evidence of it?)
  • To dedicate children where the parents are nominal in their faith in a ritual that asks them to make a vow to “raise their children in ways of the Lord” is in essence to encourage the frightful habit of asking people to make “empty vows”. How can they do it if they do not really live out their faith?
  • Child dedication can become an evangelical equivalent of infant Baptism. People from a sacramental background believe saving grace is dispensed through infant Baptism. We have to continually reinforce the idea of salvation by faith alone.
  • People like the “cuteness” religious rituals for children and would like their child / family to be part of this “cute” practice.
  • People are just a little superstitious when it comes to their kids and so infant baptism/child dedication is like being “covered” against bad stuff – sort of like good karma.
  • Child dedication is an Old Testament Jewish practice. There is no evidence of it in the early church or in the ministry of Jesus. Jesus simply blessed children and did not do much with their parents.
  • Child dedication is an open door to bless families and to perhaps see people who are not coming to follow Christ or who are not part of the church enter into a process of considering Christ and coming to church where they will hear the message of Jesus.
An Approach
  • I would encourage all Christian parents to dedicate their children to the Lord the first time they laid eyes on them and would pray this kind of prayer with parents who had faith privately.
  • Child dedication in the New Testament is in the tradition of Jesus blessing children – not old covenant Jewish faith. No faith is required by the parents or the child. Therefore it is open to all. I would freely offer dedication to all and sometimes people came to faith and came back to church because of it.
  • In considering dedication I would ask people to read a flyer I had prepared and then meet with them privately to discuss it and prepare them.
  • Child dedication is an opportunity for the Pastor to challenge both the parents and the congregation in the way they should go. The community of faith must be challenged to fulfill their important role. To do this I would have the family stand and give a short 3 – 4 minute instruction after introducing the child / parents to the congregation and then pick a verse for each child.
  • I would hold the baby and pronounce a “blessing” (Aaronic / “may you”) upon them and then ask the congregation to stand as a sign of their support for this family and then pray over this child. I would hold the child for the blessing and the prayer if they would let me. This would begin with: “(CHILD”S FULL NAME) – I dedicate you to the Lord and to His service in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. May the Lord……..   and may you come to know when you are old enough to understand the great love that God has for you in His son Jesus Christ.”
  • I would prepare a dedication certificate for them and give it to them. This also included a personalized card. A photo of the child could also be included at a later time or a photo of the little one could be put up on the screen.
  • I would only dedicate one child per Sunday seeing each child as special.
Questions For Discussion
  • How do you currently practice child dedication?
  • Should we do away with the practice of child dedication altogether? If not, how do we make child dedication more meaningful for people?
  • Have you ever refused child dedication to anyone and how did they and their family respond? Would you ever refuse?
  • What do you think of the approach above?
  • Should we do child dedication in public services where seekers are in attendance or only in special child dedication services?
  • Should we offer an alternative “blessing” service for those who do not yet believe – essentially offering two kinds of services?

Additional Resources

Anointing at Death
Baptism
Prayers and Promises
Trauma Response
Abuse Care

Pastoral care extends well beyond the normal ceremonies and rites of ecclesiastical life. As a pastor you may find yourself helping people through some very difficult and complex situations including a variety of forms of abuse. Some of these are forms of abuse that did not even exist a few years ago (e.g., online predators and exploitation). More than likely, many of those situations are beyond the scope of your seminary training and you may feel ill-prepared for them.

Mennonite Central Committee has a developed a number of excellent resources that are available at their Abuse Response and Prevention website. We would encourage you to familiarize yourself with the materials that MCC has made available as they could be very helpful in some difficult pastoral situations.